The PET Squad Files
by DC Nixon
Summary: A series of one shots about The PET Squad. 1) Spencer and Courtney get some staples. 2) The squad after Trynt screws them over. 3) The PET Squad meets the LA Rangers. (more stories to come soon)
1. Staples

**STAPLES: A PET Squad Files One Shot**

**Summary: **Courtney runs out of staples and for some reason Spencer is insistent on getting some with him.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own The PET Squad Files it belongs to John Dale, Michael Hobert and CWseed

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><p>Courtney stapled a stack of papers before turning around to grab another stack. He couldn't understand why Spencer had been in his office all morning, and furthermore, why Spencer was sitting on the corner of his desk, clearly invading his personal space.<p>

Spencer fiddled with the items on Courtney's desk, just waiting for his opportunity and he found it, as soon as Courtney turned his back, Spencer grabbed the stapler and emptied out all the remaining staples. He put the empty stapler back on Courtney's desk just as Courtney turned back around. As soon as Courtney looked down, Spencer threw the staples in his hand over his back shoulder.

Courtney lined up all the pages and went to staple them, but it didn't work. He frowned, opening up the stapler. He was out of staples, which he thought was weird because he could have sworn that he just filled it up. He shook his head before standing up.

"Where are you going?" Spencer asked, still occupying the corner of Courtney's desk.

"Staples, I need staples."

"You need staples?" Spencer questioned before looking at the camera and cocking his eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm out." Courtney stood up, empty stapler in hand.

"I'll come," Spencer said as he jumped up as well.

Courtney looked at him confused. He couldn't understand why Spencer was being so… clingy, but he decided not to dwell on it.

"'kay," Courtney accepted, leaving his desk and making his way to the supply closet.

"Where are you two going?" Derek asked from the couch, eying them suspiciously.

"Just getting some staples," Courtney informed him, showing Derek his staple-less stapler.

"Oh, cool. I need staples too, so…" Derek left the sentence hanging. He was about to stand up and join them, but Spencer spoke first.

"Derek, my man, you don't need staples right now."

Derek looked at Spencer confused. He really did _need_ staples right now.

Spencer pleaded him silently with his eyes, telling Derek to back down. It took a while, but Derek finally got what he was putting down.

"Oh, right," Derek said in a 'duh' tone, smacking his forehead for effect. "I just got staples."

Courtney looked at him confused. What was going on? He shook it off and reached out for the door handle. Just as he was about to pull open the door, it opened and Jayne came out, Q just behind her.

"Why are you all sweaty?" Courtney asked Jayne.

"Staples," is all she answered before making her retreat. Q stayed to brag.

"Please tell me you left some staples in there for me," Courtney said exasperated. Everyone in this office always seemed to be running out of staples.

"I didn't leave any for you," Q told him seriously, "but I'm sure there's some still in there somewhere. Get Spencer to help you find some."

Courtney watched as Q walked over to Jayne and leaned over her desk.

"I'll help you," Spencer reassured Courtney as he clasped him on the shoulder. "Let's go get you some staples."

"Spencer, I really don't need your help with this," Courtney said as he stepped out of Spencer's grasp and opened up the door.

Spencer waggled his eyebrows directly at the camera. "Oh really?"

Courtney walked into the supply closet and Spencer slipped in after him. The door closed and the cameras stayed outside. Courtney and Spencer still had their microphones on, so everything that was said, was heard.

"Why's it so dark in here?" Courtney questioned confused. "How am I supposed to find the staples?"

"I can help you find the staples," Spencer said, deepening his voice.

"Spencer, is that you? I told you I didn't need your help."

Silence filled the air and then Courtney gasped out loud.

"Spencer," he hissed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Come on, Court, I know you love me, everybody loves me," Spencer said cockily.

"You may think that's true, but it's not."

"You need staples?" Spencer questioned.

"Yes, so? That does not require two people."

"But it's staples. Getting staples by yourself is never as fun as getting it with another, or three others."

"I just need some staples and then I can get out of here and away from you."

"Okay," Spencer answered. There was silence once again, but you could clearly hear a zip being lowered.

"Oh, hell no. What the hell, Spencer. No! Just no!" There was a lot of commotion and soon the door opened and out came an enraged Courtney and a less than pleased Spencer. "What the hell, Spencer?" Courtney asked once again.

"You said you needed staples," Spencer said as he zipped his pants back up.

"Yes, I did," Courtney told him as he held up his empty stapler. "I ran out mid-staple."

"Oh," Spencer said, faking realization. "You wanted actual staples."

"That's what I said. What did you think I wanted? No, wait, please don't answer that." Courtney shook his head, everything was finally making sense. No wonder everyone was always 'running out' of staples. They weren't at all, and then Spencer… No, Courtney didn't even want to think about it.

"It's just a little bit of office fun," Derek supplied, not helping the matter.

"I, unlike all of you, am the only one who does any actual work around here," Courtney told them all. "All I wanted was some staples and I couldn't even get that."

Spencer tried not to laugh at Courtney's choice of words.

"Here," Q said as he approached Courtney and handed him a box of staples. "We keep the staples in the cabinet over there to avoid confusion."

Courtney grabbed the staples and let out a sigh. That would have been nice to know before I was trapped in a small, windowless room with Spencer, he thought internally. Courtney took one last look at Spencer. He couldn't believe what had just happened, but then again he could. It was Spencer after all. He let out another sigh before going back to his office to finish his work.

"Boo yeah!" Spencer said as soon as Courtney left the room.

"Oh no," Jayne spoke up, walking over to Spencer. "Pay up, big boy."

"That's right baby, it's so big," Spencer told Jayne, reaching for his zipper once again. "How about me and you get some staples?"

"In your dreams, Spencer. Sorry, but Q has the industrial sized staples and once you've gone heavy duty, you never go back," Jayne informed him and Spencer just looked at her incredulously. "Now pay up. You couldn't get staples with Courtney, so you owe me."

"No, that's not what we agreed on," Spencer told her. "There was no set time frame and this was just one failed attempt."

"You're still going after Courtney?" Q asked confused. "Why? It's only a twenty dollar bet."

"Because I've never lost a bet," Spencer informed them before turning his attention to the camera, "never," he added before winking at the camera.

"Spencer and Courtney?" Derek questioned out loud. "I could dig that."

"I'm not gay, man," Spencer informed him. "I just don't want to lose this bet."

"Yeah, keep on telling yourself that," Q clapped him on the shoulder before he walked back over to Jayne. "Hey, Jay, guess what?" He waited until he had her full attention before continuing. "Those heavy duty staples you requested just got restocked and I've got your shipment all ready to be delivered."

Jayne let out a happy squeal before grabbing Q's hand and dragging him over to the supply closet. Spencer watched them carefully.

"Maybe I can use that ploy," Spencer thought out loud and Derek turned his attention back to his magazine. "Oh, Courtney," Spencer called out, "your shipment of staples just _came_ in." Spencer headed off to Courtney's office, but Courtney was wiser than him and already had his door locked.

THE END


	2. The PET Squad Season Two

**PET SQUAD FILES 2.0 (one shot)**

Trynt Champagne is a huge and giant dick and leaves everyone feeling disheartened at the end of season one and no one more so than Spencer Gauntt.

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><p>"Spencer, hey, look alive," Courtney said as he walked into Spencer's office.<p>

Spencer was facing away from him, staring at his blank computer screen. He didn't even bother to turn around.

"I brought something to cheer you up," Courtney said, clutching the handheld camera tightly in his hand.

Ever since Trynt Champagne had fucked everyone up Spencer had buried himself in a black hole of self-doubt and no matter what Courtney did there was no getting him out, but Courtney resolved to never stop trying.

"Spencer, are you even listening to me?" Courtney asked. "I brought you something."

"Is it Jayne? Did you get her back from Trynt? Does she want to get some staples with me?"

"No," Courtney said, staring at the floor, "but now that you mention it that would have been a better idea." Courtney looked up from the floor. He wasn't giving up no matter how juvenile Spencer was being. "I brought the camera," Courtney said, holding it up. "Don't you want to say something witty and flip your hair, maybe even wink? Come on, Spencer, the camera misses you, your fans miss you."

"Fans? What fans?" Spencer questioned and his voice held no life, only malice. Trynt Champagne had fucked him up bad. "I have the personality of a potato... I just… potatoes are so… Ugly… I'm ugly. There's only ever going to be one Trynt Champagne and it's not me."

Courtney rolled his eyes. He was beginning to believe that entering Trynt's competition was the worst mistake they had made, but it led to solid proof so he couldn't bring himself to regret it. He just needed to find a way to get Spencer back on board.

"What happened to your Rocky and Rambo comparison?" Courtney asked. "I thought you and Trynt were the same person."

"You can't understand, Courtney," Spencer said. "I'm the Trynt of the PET Squad and he's just a fraud. He lied about everything and that means-"

"Don't you dare say it," Courtney said, cutting Spencer off.

"Ghosts aren't real, which means that our show will never take off."

"You said it, oh god, I can't believe you said it..." Courtney muttered. "You take it back right now."

"No," Spencer said firmly.

"Spencer, you take it back. They'll hear you," Courtney said seriously. "I saw one, I swear. I know Derrick didn't have the camera recording at the time, but I swear I saw it. Ghosts are real. …We're in this together, we are the PET Squad. Who cares if Trynt's a joke, it's up to us now, we gotta catch them all."

"Classic Pokemon..." Spencer said as he spun around in his chair and looked into the camera, only to see it sitting idly in Courtney's hand by his side. The moment Spencer knew that none of this was getting caught on tape he fell back into his hole.

"Courtney, just drop it. I'm getting out of here." Spencer stood to leave.

"Where are you going?" Courtney asked, ready to stop him.

"To get a haircut," Spencer said simply like it wasn't a huge fucking deal.

"You're cutting off your bronzed locks?" Courtney asked. "But why?"

"It's time to get serious," Spencer said and Courtney was certain that this was the most serious he had ever seen his friend. "I've got to buckle down. I can't be chasing my dreams anymore. If the Biebs can cut his hair and still be successful then I can too. All I have to do is belieb."

Spencer looked around for the cameras again to make sure they caught his witty remark, but there were none to be found. He let out a sigh and headed for the door, but Courtney stepped in front of him.

"That makes no sense," Courtney told him.

"Why are you even pushing this?" Spencer asked. "You quit the squad."

"I didn't quit," Courtney said, "I left because you replaced me."

"Same difference, am I right?" Spencer said, forgetting the lack of cameras again. "Why are there no cameras?" Spencer muttered to himself and Courtney chose to ignore that remark.

"Look, we need you, Spencer," Courtney said.

It was a last ditch effort. He was getting sick and tired of Spencer's bullshit. So Trynt didn't turn out to be who everyone thought he'd be, so Trynt likened Spencer's onscreen personality to a potato. Spencer just needed to get over it and move forward like everyone else had.

"You don't need me," Spencer said and Courtney knew it was time to bring out the big guns.

"You're the most compelling ghost hunter I know," Courtney said, "and without a compelling ghost hunter… I can't believe I'm saying this… there is no ghost."

"So you admit it?" Spencer said and it was the first time Courtney had seen the glimmer back in his eyes.

"For the sake of the PET Squad," Courtney said, "yes, I believe it. We really do need you, Spencer. It's time to debunk Trynt Champagne once and for all and you know what that means-"

"Yes," Spencer interrupted Courtney, his eyes now sparkling with new-found passion and determination, "I'll be the new Brad Pitt."

"That's not what I meant," Courtney said.

"I am in," Spencer said, "but I'm still getting the haircut."

Courtney stepped aside and let Spencer leave.

"I guess that worked out," Courtney said to himself.

"Hey," Spencer said, sticking his head back in the room. "Are you coming? I need someone to film my haircut otherwise all my fans won't recognize the new me, and after that we steal Jayne back." Spencer looked for the camera again. "Seriously," he said to Courtney, "why aren't you filming yet?"

Courtney rolled his eyes, but turned the camera on, pointing it at Spencer.

"I'm Spencer Gauntt, the Brad Pitt of the ghost hunting world, and this is The PET Squad Files 2.0… Let's go get a haircut, BOOM! ...Did you get it?"

Courtney rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah, I got it Brad Pitt."

THE END


	3. The PET Squad Meets The LA Rangers

**The PET Squad meets the L.A. Rangers (one shot)**

**Summary:** The gang from The PET Squad Files are hunting ghosts for their new show in a Los Angeles park where they run into two aspiring filmmakers/L.A. Rangers, Parker and O'Neal.

Why? Because I'm sick and bored, it's how most great things start.

**Disclaimer:** The PET Squad Files belongs to Michael Hobert & John Dale. L.A. Rangers belongs to Wilson Bethel and Dugan O'Neal. Both belong to CWSeed. No copyright infringement intended, just having some fun

Set post season two of PET Squad and during season one of L.A. Rangers. You can check out both shows on cwseed dot com

Enjoy

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><p>"Court, can you believe it?" Spencer said looking around.<p>

Spencer couldn't believe they had finally made it. Hollywood had always been Spencer's dream and he was sure he'd make it one day, but then again he thought it was a foolish pursuit.

"Yes, Spencer, you won't stop mentioning it," Courtney said, trying to stay focused.

"We have a crew and craft services," Spencer gushed. "The food is literally free."

"We're here to hunt ghosts," Courtney reminded him.

"I know, but you see that hot PA there, Gretchen," Spencer pointed her out, "you think she'd go for me?"

"I thought you were with Jayne?"

"I am, well we were," Spencer stuttered out. "It's kind of complicated."

"How is anything in your life complicated?" Courtney shook his head in disbelief. "Wait, is that why she was flirting with me the other day?"

"Jayne flirted with you?"

"Yeah, she asked me to get her some staples."

"That's it?" Spencer laughed.

"Why aren't you worried?" Courtney asked, looking at Jayne. "I could have her if I wanted."

"Not if she's sending you to get staples on your own," Spencer said. "Plus, you're rebounding and Jayne is too hot to be a rebound. …Why are we in this park anyway? Can ghosts even haunt open spaces, don't they need walls?"

"I swear sometimes I have no idea what you bring to the team." Courtney sighed.

"My charisma, smoking hot bod and snappy one-liners of course," Spencer bragged. "Boom!"

"All of which we could do without," Courtney said.

"Let's get this moving," Cash said. "Time is money."

"I can't believe you allowed that dick dweeb to come back," Spencer said, glaring at Cash.

"Hey, he's our producer."

"He worked for Trynt."

"Exactly," Courtney said, "worked for, now he works for us."

"I don't like it," Spencer said, acting like a petulant three-year-old.

"Just because Cash said you have the personality of a potato doesn't mean he's right. You need to learn to let things go and move on."

"No, Trynt needs to pay."

"Then make him pay by showing the world that the PET Squad is legit."

"Did you just say legit?" Spencer asked.

"Spencer," Courtney sighed.

"Oh, my boy is growing up," Spencer said. "Hollywood's changed you my friend."

"It has not."

"Ooh feisty."

"Will you two stop acting like an old married couple and get to work already," Cash said.

"He started it," Spencer quickly retorted.

Courtney didn't even bother replying to that. Spencer was a child after all.

"Okay, the scene is set," Cash said, "and action."

"Cut," someone called out. "Oh, I've always wanted to say that."

"Whoa, hey, who said that?" Cash asked, his anger slowly rising. "How dare you say that? I'm the only one who can say that."

"Calm down, Cash," Courtney said as two park rangers approached them.

"I'm Parker and this is O'Neal, and this is our park."

"Really?" Spencer asked. "I don't see your name written anywhere."

"What's going on here?" O'Neal asked. "If you're shooting porn that's not allowed, not in our park."

"Unless we can join in of course," Parker said, eyeing Jayne up and down appreciatively.

"Parker, stay focused," O'Neal said, dragging his friend back on point. "Is this for a movie? TV show? What?"

"TV show," Courtney answered.

"Fiction?" O'Neal asked hopefully.

"Reality."

"Oh," he sighed.

"Yeah, we're ghost hunters," Spencer bragged.

"Ghost hunters?" Parker questioned, slightly intrigued.

"Excuse us," O'Neal said, "my client and I are going to need a sidebar."

"Client?" Spencer asked Courtney. "Who the hell are these guys?"

Parker and O'Neal stepped away.

"Parker, focus," O'Neal said, "this could be our big chance."

"These guys look like losers," Parker said. "Did you see the guy emulating Justin Bieber? ...Ed Hardy called he wants his wardrobe back."

"Ha, yeah, but they have a crew, what do we have?" O'Neal asked.

"These awesome L.A. Ranger uniforms," Parker said.

"They are pretty cool," O'Neal agreed. "I love the hat... Stop sidetracking me, Parker. We need to learn as much as we can from these guys, it's called networking. I mean how often does an opportunity like this fall into our park? We've gotta make the most of it."

"Okay, let's do it," Parker agreed.

"Action," Cash announced.

"Oh no, hold up," O'Neal said, walking back over to them. "Do you have the proper permits to shoot here?"

"Ah, of course, we're not amateurs," Courtney said. "Show him, Cash."

"I... Ah..." Cash faltered.

"Cash, you have one job," Courtney said, sighing.

"I told you hiring him back was a terrible idea," Spencer said knowingly.

"Without the permits you can't film here," O'Neal said, "unless we can come to an agreement of course."

"You can't have Jayne," Spencer quickly protested.

"Spencer, calm down and let them speak... Wait, what are they doing?" Courtney asked.

Parker and O'Neal were staring off into space, their faces completely blank.

"Who cares about them, let's get started," Cash said before calling action.

"We're here in one of L.A.'s most notorious parks," Courtney said, walking towards the camera.

"Yes, it is said that the L.A. Strangler killed all of his victims here and we're going to try and communicate with them and find their killer. This is," Spencer paused for dramatic effect, "CSI: The PET Squad Files."

"Spencer, you can't mention CSI," Courtney hissed.

"Why not?" Spencer asked.

"It's on another network. We work for The CW, so we can only mention their shows. It's in our contract."

"You actually read that thing? It was super long and boring."

"Yes, I did."

"Okay, do they have a crime show?"

"No."

"Then we can be CSI-"

"No, we can't… Just forget it," Courtney said. He knew it was pointless to explain it so that his friend would understand.

"You've got to admit, CSI: The PET Squad Files sounds so badass though?" Spencer said.

"Yeah," Courtney agreed.

"We can't use any of this footage," Cash told them. "Where is your professionalism?"

"Ooohhhh," something whined from behind the trees.

"What the hell was that?" Spencer asked as they all reacted.

"It has to be one of the victims," Courtney said, nodding his head.

"Ooooohhhhh." The mysterious noise was back.

"Speak to us, we are here to help," Courtney said.

"Heeelllppp? You can't help me, I'm already deeeeaaad."

"Does that sound like a guy to you?" Spencer asked. "A regular guy hiding in the bushes?"

"Spencer, quiet," Courtney hissed. "Just tell us what you need."

"We neeeed a movie deal and a goooood original script."

"Parker," O'Neal hissed from behind the bushes, "play it cool."

"What's going on?" Spencer asked, he was beyond confused.

"We can't get you that," Courtney said, getting back on track.

"Then we'll be leeeaving."

"No, don't leave," Courtney pleaded with the ghost.

"Let's lie," Spencer suggested.

"You can't lie to a ghost," Courtney said. "I don't want to be haunted for all eternity."

"Then what?" Spencer asked.

"I don't know. This is the best footage we've gotten yet."

"Cut," Cash called out.

"Cut? Why are you cutting?" Courtney asked.

"If we edit what we have now we'll be left with nothing. We need to re-shoot the whole thing."

"Look," Spencer said, pointing to Parker and O'Neal who were still frozen in place. "Should we call them an ambulance? That's not normal right? Maybe they died."

"See," O'Neal said, suddenly snapping out of his thoughts and bringing Parker with him, "we can be the ghosts and it'll be our big break."

"I like how you think," Parker said. "Let's do it."

Parker and O'Neal walked back over to the ghost hunters.

"We've decided that you can film in our park under one condition," O'Neal said to the PET Squad.

"And what's that?" Courtney asked.

"My buddy and I get to play the ghosts," O'Neal said, proud of his thought process.

"No, no way," Courtney protested.

"Why not?" Parker asked. "You have no one here to play them, this works out perfect for all involved."

"We use real ghosts thank you very much," Courtney told them.

"Real ghosts?" Parker asked.

"I'm calling bullshit," O'Neal said, "ghosts don't exist."

"We have definitive proof," Courtney bragged, bringing up their YouTube video and showing them.

"That's got to be fake.".

"It's real," Courtney said, the rest of the PET Squad agreed with him.

"Real?" Parker questioned. "And there are ghosts here in our park?"

"Yes, that's what we've been trying to tell you."

"Ah, well, umm," Parker faltered, not knowing how to proceed.

"Excuse us," O'Neal said, putting his arm around Parker's shoulders, "we've gotta go check the bird feeders. Enjoy your time in our park. You break it you buy it."

Parker and O'Neal quickly walked away from the ghost hunters.

"Ghosts?" Parker questioned O'Neal. "Do you believe them?"

"They seemed so sure," O'Neal said.

"I don't like the idea of ghosts being real," Parker admitted. "...Hey, what about a screenplay about a couple of ghost hunters who are L.A. Park Rangers by day, but here's the hook, the ghosts are real?" Parker said.

"I like it, I like it a lot, and it's totally original," O'Neal said.

"I know right."

"How'd you come up with it?"

"It just came to me." Parker shrugged nonchalantly.

"Lucky us," O'Neal said, high-fiving Parker. "This one's going to be a winner I can just tell."

THE END


End file.
